I got an email from my cousin tonight. My aunt’s test came back saying the cancer was gone and I cannot say how thankful I am, however it makes me question a lot of things. I consider myself a Christian and I believe in God, but often times I question my faith.

Do I believe in God because that’s how I was raised? Going to church and being taught lessons from the Bible. Going to a Christian college didn’t stregthen my belief, if anything,  it made me question it a lot more. God teaches you not to judge but while attending Anderson College, now Anderson University, I met some of the most judgemental people and most of them were leaders of religious groups such as FCA and BCM and also many were in the faculy and administration. Is this how Christians are suppose to be? Judging you and telling you you’re going to hell because you don’t believe the same things they do. I was told by a speaker that I was going to Hell because I was not baptized (Southern Baptist apparently think if you’re christened it’s not the same thing). A speaker the school chose, is that how they feel?

In my cousins email she thanks everyone for their prayers and support. Her faith is so strong and I wish mine was that way, but I have to many questions to just believe in God. I try to live my life honestly, treat others as you would want to be treated and do the right thing. But that’s how every religion is, Christianity, Islam, Judiasm, Hinduism, Budhism, ect. Every religion teaches you to treat others respectufully and not all of them belive in God/Allah, whatever you want to call him.

I am very thankful that my aunt is healed of cancer right now, but that’s when I question my faith more than anything. Why is she healed, but one of my best guy friends mom died from cancer? Why is one of my friends Dad currently dying from cancer? Why do people have to die young? Why during my sophmore year in college did my best guy friend die at 19? What made his time up? Why is my dad dying from an incurable disease that the goverment won’t allow research on the one thing that could find a cure? What makes their lives any less important that they had to die or they are dying?

Things like that make me question God and his power, it makes me angry. Angry that a cure may never be found for my dad and he will die before I’m ready to let him go. Angry that I have to watch friends suffer as they watch one of their parents suffer through illnesses that there are no cures for.  If there is a God why does he allow some to live and others to die? Why did he allow the most genuinely sincere person I have ever met die? When Cedric died in college, someone spoke that by Cedric dying it made the people who knew him want to be better people. To not judge, just as Cedric had never judged, to care for others the way Cedric had. But my thing is, Cedric didn’t believe in God, he had a lot of questions, but the whole religion thing made him curious. If he made such an impact on everyones lives, why was his life cut short when he could have impacted many more lives. Everyone loved Cedric, you couldn’t not. He had a smile that would light up a room and was always the first person to lend a shoulder to cry on or a ear to listen. He told you the things you didn’t want to hear, but the same things you were thankful he would tell you. Why does someone like him have to die?

I’m rambling on, but I have questions. Cedric died over 7 years ago and I still question why he died. My dad has been diagnoised with Parkinson’s for over 7 years and I still question that. Craig’s mom died from cancer over 2 years ago and I question that. Why did God cure my aunt from cancer not only recently but also 11 years ago? If God is suppose to be so loving why is there so much hurt and sadness in this world?